I think I could probably say a good deal more to you in a closed letter than an open one, but if there's something I'd want the internet world to know (at least the very small slice of it that reads this blog), it would be that while you guys were not always the parents I wanted, you were the exact parents I needed. I think all kids identify ways in which they want to live or parent differently from their own folks, and I'm no exception, but there are a lot of things you did particularly well.
While I had my own crises of faith, I always knew about your faith. I knew you were both deeply committed to the church and the gospel. I knew you were committed to each other. And I've seen enough of broken families out in this world to know, how important knowing that is to a kid. Your testimony helped me want to find my own.
Mom, you were always there for me. You cared about how I felt. It mattered to you that I had good friends. I knew you worried about me when I struggled to connect with other kids. I knew you prayed for me to find the people I could be myself with. I know you've prayed for me my whole life. When I have thoughts of giving up or letting life have its ruddy way with me, I only have to think of what you might be asking God for in my behalf. I learned you were a very intelligent woman. You chose to be at home with your kids, but you could have succeeded at many, many things. We're all grateful you chose to be with us. I look at my sisters and know they knew that about you too.
Dad, we've found a good place. You haven't always understood me, but I feel like you've always wanted to. I learned a lot about hard work and honor from you. I learned about duty and the importance of caring for others home teaching with you. I learned a lot about you through the letters you wrote me on my mission. That was hugely important to me. It was to Brian as well. I admire the way you work tirelessly. I admire the way you've dialed it back in recent years to serve in the church and spend more time with Mom. I will always be grateful for the college education you helped me acquire and the help in my career in the form of a Mac (which survived for 9 years) and my first Pro Tools system.
I think you both tend to focus sometimes on where you think to have failed us, but as far as I'm concerned, I think you turned out really great parents. I love you both very much. That is why I tease.
Love, J.
Long live the clan.
1 comment:
I couldn't sleep tonight and now I'm glad "cause I spent time reading your blog and cried(like usual) when you say such nice things. We love you tremendously, always have... always will. You are a fantastic son and such a wonderful man. We are so very proud of you! We are glad you've found sweet Danielle. Haven't seen you so happy in forever... I still pray for you, every day. You are that important to me so I thank God all the time for such a great, kind, loving and caring son. My favorite thing is that you've ALWAYS given me those frequent and sincere hugs. No MOM could be prouder. We were so thrilled to get you and have never been happier with the gift God gave us in you. Can't wait to read all your entries for the next month! Love ya J!
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