Crisis Speed-Dial

Mine looks something like this:

1. The distraction: This friend doesn't need to know anything about your trauma, they know what to do and where to take you to help you forget. If they didn't like you so much as the good Mormon you were, they'd get you sloshed cause numbness might do more to help than anything.

2. The logician: This friend is usually a guy who can tell you how it is straight and get you thinking in a healthy, logical fashion instead of a dismal, over-emotional one.

3. The sympathetic girl: She cares more about your situation than probably anybody. She wants you to tell her everything and she'll listen attentively. She'll tell you what it's like from the other side but she won't defend them. She wants you to be happy, and if lying or giving you false hope does the trick she'll lie her ass off.

4. The Booty Call: This beautiful girl adores you so much she'll shower you with meaningless romantic affection to help you feel wanted again. Sometimes she wishes it was real, sometimes you do too. But it'll never come up. It's understood.

5. Cursive: As in the emo band from Oklahoma. Get in your car, put "The Ugly Organ" album on repeat and descend into the abyss.

6. Al Green: A mandatory pick-me-up after depression hour with Cursive.

7. The sister: Usually Lori, sometimes Erika... If it gets to this point I'm pretty desperate.

8. The Lord: Yeah, he should probably be first on speed-dial, but it usually takes me a while to get in the posture to call him.

Perhaps none of them will make you feel less shitty, but you try them all anyway. Hopefully some of them are home.