I'm really interested to see the comments to follow this blog topic...
So I've been thinking about kissing (Heaven forbid I should be doing any, instead I theorize):
For those who know the tragic tale of the 3 Melissas, this is about the first and worst. This woman is possibly the most responsible for any screwed up perceptions I have on relationships. She's certainly the one I blame.
Anyway, I once invented this game where we would tell each other secrets via kiss. You weren't allowed to say anything or lead in at all, you had to just tell a secret, with kissing as your only mode of expression. To my amazement, we could both do it, almost all of the time. It was amazing. She was so good at guessing that once I threw her a curve ball and she pulled back mid-kiss and said, "you did what naked in High School?" Seriously, it was uncanny. She even told me she was breaking up with me with a kiss. (A particularly cruel method, for the record.) P.S. This is also the girl who honked when she laughed for those who know that story.
Point is, I grew to depend so heavily on this affection, that I've either consciously or subconsciously expected it from every girl I've kissed ever since. I've even tested other girls. No one can do it. So I harbor this little disappointment, and eventually when things aren't going just like I hope, I disengage. Which isn't to say, I break it off; cause honestly, the girls do that more of the time, but I'm convinced it has a lot to do with my unrealistic expectations and this freak girl who could read my thoughts and managed to hurt me more than I'd been hurt before or since. It's a terrible thing to let that keep me from happiness or enjoying who I'm with.
Yes, it was unbelievably cool to be able to communicate like that. And it was really fun to kiss her. But I think I'm done telling secrets with a kiss. I want to tell somebody someday, what isn't a secret to anyone in the world, that I'm totally in love with only her, and say it with a kiss.
8 comments:
dude you just reminded me how much i need to be kissed... i was doing just fine in la-la land thinking life was good without this very important physical affection... thanks mooney.
Dude!
..........Duuuude.
sigh...
Note to self...
Blah.
Wow, those freak connections are amazing and leave you all kinds of twisted and out-of-sorts, huh.
I think it's amazing that you know how I'm feeling just by hugging me, which sometimes really scares me, because emotional honesty is not my strong point.
I'm just shooting for a boy who makes me feel beautiful when he kisses me. That's all.
moonMAN, thanks for reminding me that i love that i've survived heartbreak. many times over. wouldn't trade it. allowing the heart to heal is the Lord's master class in perspective and faith.
I love this.
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