I have this plan.

It's a secret plan and it's been brewing for a long time. And it's almost time to tell you my plan, but not yet.

Not quite.

The world isn't ready, but it's rarely prepared to have its mind blown. So why wait?



Paul didn't wait.

Soon children, soon.

Oh Wow.

One of the shames and scourges of our culture is direct marketing. The fact that there are people who read direct ads (like the one I've included below) and don't immediately laugh them off for general absurdity, over-generalization, fantastic claims, or tragically bad grammar says sad things about our species. One of the sad realities of the increasing Googlization of the internet is that we get hit with it a lot. For example I just had open an email that regardless of subject, had the words 'friend' and 'ex-girlfriend'. I couldn't resist clicking on this ad just to see how lame it was. That, and I'm ok with this advertiser losing a little more money to Google Ad-Sense for my click, so I can entertain my blog readers.



Geez, who knew it was so simple? There was a secret, waiting here for me, just two more mouse clicks and an open invitation to spam me away and I never knew it.

To all the girls who ever left me... look out, you'll soon be BEGGING to be with me.

Owning it.

Update:

Studio... done. Well, close enough.

Holidays... spent in Boston, but not altogether unpleasant.

Girls... still suck, but I'm trying to work around that by not making the supposition.

Winter... still the only thing that tests my love for this city. I have a snowblower now, which makes it less tedious (and less back-breaking) to shovel our driveway. I'm going home for a friend's wedding tomorrow, so Arizona should provide enough relief to get me through a couple months. Then I'll go somewhere else.

New Years Resolutions:

1. Make more money with the studio than I spent building it.
2. Have a healthy, mutually rewarding relationship with a girl that makes my life easier instead of harder. This doesn't necessarily mean a girlfriend.
3. Try to be less negative about work.
4. Cut down on the swearing and try to focus on being "an example of the believers".
5. Get out of debt and save $5000.
6. Find a Masters program and go back to school.
7. Pray daily and visit the temple at least monthly.
8. Tell my friends more often how important they are to me.
9. Forgive and FORGET.
10. Love more of my life, more of the time.

With God's help, I'm gonna own this year.

Courtesy of SuperPoop.com

Hahaha!

Catch up time.

I'm a slacker.

Some would use the term procrastinator. But that's not the whole problem. I tend to ignore the things in my life that irritate me until they cannot be any longer ignored. This can be problematic when those irritants add up and submit your plate number to the RMV for nonrenewal, and when later, because the nonrenewal notice was irritating enough to warrant the ingorance treatment, you get pulled over and cited for driving on a 4 months expired registration.

Sometimes those things sit in the corner of your room with the near new rosin and unfettered bow, mocking your inability after 4 months to play the cello at all.

Sometimes they sit in the fridge and go bad because I ate at fast food and restaurants all week. Then you look in Sunday only to discover your only real food is under myco-conquest.

I have been ignoring other things in my life too. Most of them more important than parking tickets, rented instruments, and fungus laden sandwich meat. As usual, eventually the Lord puts me in my place. Strangely, this was accomplished less by the usual descent into depression and self-loathing this time, and more by a gentle reminder of something good. He let me feel the Spirit this weekend. Over and over again, I was rewarded by simple modest whispers of assurance from the Holy Ghost. I'm blessed. And despite recently enduring some of the most challenging periods in my life, I have every reason to be happy.

Tonight I enjoyed many friendships. It's good for escapist slackers like me to have those friends who always love and accept you even after long periods of pulling away. I often think I have no one, only to be reminded almost instantly that I have so many dear and vital friends who don't give up on me.

Aloof.

Heya folks (meaning those who still read this),

Sorry for my aloofity. I've been distant from everyone, and the first thing to go is usually the blog. My life in the last month in a nutshell...

Studio. Work. Studio. Stress. Studio. Trying to date. Studio. Being broke on account of the studio. Construction at the studio. And the studio.

I have actually blogged about that a bit at http://www.dirtywatersound.blogspot.com for those who are interested.

Soundproofing.

So the studio is coming along slowly. We have the largest of the soundproofing walls completely framed. The two foot top sections (trusses) take about 5 times as long as the rest of the wall, because we more or less have to be exact in our measurements for the wall to stand straight and have a tight seal against the blocks and rubber that decouple them from the floor and ceiling. The idea is to build a very dense wall inside the existing wall to cut down the STC or sound transmission coefficient to practically zero at high and mid frequencies and to reduce low end transmission to negligible amounts. To accomplish that we place a layer of highly absorptive foam rubber over the studs and conventional insulation, then two sheets of drywall, and a rigid fiberglass product generically called 703 covered with fabric. So after passing through an inch of rigid fiberglass, 1 and a quarter inches of sheetrock, 6 millimeters of high density foam rubber, 7 inches of packed fiberglass insulation, and another half inch of sheetrock, the amplitude of the sound waves has died enough that 2 feet of dead air and a conventional wall will do the rest. The hardest thing is that we really will have no idea how much we've reduced the STC till the wall is finished and we place a drum set or guitar amp inside and rock out. Here's some pics.

This is kinda like God sanctioning my vote...

I'm a republican. And I've wanted John McCain to run for president for almost as long as I have wanted General Colin Powell, the former Army Joint Chief of Staff and former Secretary of State, to run.

General Powell is more qualified to make an endorsement than any man I can think of. He has served in some official capacity under 5 U.S. Presidents. He has been in the Situation Room for hundreds if not thousands of hostile national security situations. He knows the temperment and judgement that should be displayed by a commander in chief and I think no one can doubt he is fit to judge the foreign affairs and national security readiness of a candidate.

General Powell stated his dismay with Senator McCain's campaign in the plainest rhetoric, and echoes my concern about the campaign's efforts to align Senator Obama with people's fears about terrorism. He defends the honor of Muslim Americans and Islam as a religion of legitimacy and peace. He assesses, I think rightly, that Sarah Palin is not qualified or prepared to be President in the event that that might become necessary, and he acknowledges Barack Obama's level-headed approach to leadership.

Even if McCain had remained true to his views and values, and run an honorable campain, a Colin Powell endorsement of Barack Obama would have made me think twice about voting for McCain. That's the level of respect and deference I give this man, and even now, when I thought I could be no more sure that Obama was my man, the words of this great soldier, republican, and statesman make me even more sure. God bless the United States of America.

The (nearly) Exhaustive "What I did on my vacation" List.

Flew to Utah.
Attended Priesthood session with my little brother.
Ate Arby's/talked chicks.
Crashed on Soundmaster Graham's futon.
Delayed trip to AZ.
Said hi to Richard and Mike.
Went to Sunday afternoon session.
Supped with Jason and Pugs.
Saw also JuHu, Kylee, & Sean+Wife.
Drove to Provo.
Met Brian's girlfriend, Lexi.
Introduced her parents to my compulsive need to see the score.
Screamed at the TV all through Brian's birthday party.
Resigned myself to it finally ending in the 12th.
Slept on a vinyl mattress.
Bought new scriptures and too many church books at BYU.
Registered as a Massachusetts alumn.
Realized how amazing BYU's campus & facilities are.
Remembered how little money it cost to live in Utah.
Checked out Velour and the studio I never finished.
Took Al to lunch at Cafe Rio.
Ordered shredded pork burrito enchilada style.
Consumed it with exultant joy.
Read about Mormons as Vampires in BYU studies.
Tracked down Adam.
Threw frisbee.
Wolfed burgers with Adam and Scott.
Listened to Book on Tapeworm.
Rode to the airport.
Checked phone compulsively through 9 innings.
Found a TV I could switch off Monday night football.
Shouted really loud when the Sox won.
Ran into Laura Heaton.
Talked to Laura Heaton for half the flight.
Recalled what a radfaced hottie Laura Heaton is.
Landed in Phoenix and rode home with Mom.
Hugged mom & listened to Dad rag on Obama.
Had breakfast with Mom.
Sat with Grandma & listened to Uncle Rick rag on McCain.
Listed my Hammond Organ on Craigslist in Phoenix.
Watched "Choke" with Mark.
Acquainted myself with April.
Debated economics and political philosophy with Mark.
Slept in.
Had my eyes examined.
Got new prescriptions for glasses and contacts.
Shopped for new suit.
Made a QwickTrip run.
Sampled Red Hots Flavored Smoothie.
Passed.
Enjoyed Horchata Smoothie.
Finished watching Gone Baby Gone like 7 months later.
Road tripped to Snowflake.
Toured my sister Lori's house and property.
Picked up my niece Brenna from school.
Chilled with Lor, Delv, and Bren.
Mocked the contestant on Deal or No Deal.
Discussed Howie Mandell's baldness.
Returned home from snowflake.
Stopped at Someburros for Pollo Fundido.
Cringed through a Lifetime drama about an FLDS Polygamist Ranch.
Sold Hammond to a guy that actually knows how to play it.
Roamed the house for wireless signal.
Helped deliver the Hammond.
Ordered new contacts.
Sought out Sourdough Jack and Pete's onion rings.
Caught up with Kylee.
Dined with Gary & Holly, Joel & Jenny, Kevin & Andrea, Mark & April.
Pondered how all of my friends are married and I am so not.
Wandered around Mesa Arts Center with Laura 'Reverend' Heaton
Hooked up late with Jen and Emily.
Loved not working.
Missed Boston and Boston friends all the while.
Coming home soon.

The astute may notice I used a different verb for every line. Which is hard if you consider how much “eating” and “meeting” I did.

Why is Snowflake, AZ so windy?

Because Holbrook SUCKS and Showlow BLOWS.

Ha!

Well, many of you will see me this week.

At least it's to be hoped you will.

I am in dire need of this time off work and it will be good to be home. I will no doubt, desperately miss my Boston home while I am gone. It never takes too long away to seem like too much time away. Beanies, hold down the fort and see if you can persuade Winter to stay off a little longer, I still need to swim in Walden at least once more. Utards, I won't have much time with you but will try to make the best of what I have. Zonies, this is my last vacation till March when I'm going overseas, so let's party like it's 1999... except for the part where I was on my mission in a freezing apartment in Mississippi.

From the 2 or 3 times I've watched the show...

I'm totally smarter than a 5th grader.

Guernica

Song lyrics | Guernica lyrics

Ahhh forwards... I relent.

Five Things

10 years ago I
1. Graduated high school... wow.
2. Got good grades for the first time ever at Mesa Community College.
3. Worked at Godfather's Pizza.
4. Made out with a redhead for a week or so.
5. Played small gigs with my band, Shell. Again, wow.

Five things on todays to-do list:
1. Get the hell out of the station ASAP.
2. Sleep.
3. See Annie.
4. Night swim in Walden... yes it's cold, but I need it still.
5. Play some drums.

Five Snacks I enjoy:
1. Carrots
2. Frozen Lemonade
3. Costco Chocolate Covered Raisins
4. Dried Apples
5. McDonalds Soft-Serve Cone

Five Places I have lived:
1. Mesa, AZ
2. Provo, UT
3. Huntsville, AL
4. New York City, NY
5. Boston, MA

Five Jobs I have had:
1. Chick-fil-A, baby.
2. I reloaded ammunition for my Grandpa.
3. I worked in a grease recycling yard.
4. Student Sound Designer for LDS Church Audio-Visual.
5. Broadcast Engineer at WBUR, Boston's NPR Station.

Five Pet Peeves:
1. People listening to one earphone of their iPod. It's stereo you fools!
2. Mormons who think the universe is only occupied by other Mormons.
3. Boston drivers in roundabouts (called rotaries out here).
4. Getting drawn to sweep off the satellite dishes in a snow storm.
5. Sarah Pallin.

Five things that bring me joy:
1. Nightswims in Walden.
2. Super 8 Movies.
3. Friends.
4. Head-scratches or massages.
5. Rocking out.

Five people whose business I want to know
1. Soundmaster Graham.
2. The Dancing Newt.
3. Kirsti-face.
4. Wherefore art Elizabeth?
5. Scream Phoenix.

I'm in business.

...the business of kickin' yo ass. And let me tell you, business is booming.

Oh Meatwad, the moments of laughter you've given me.

So, I know the threat has been made for almost 2 years, but I really I am opening a recording studio here in Boston. It's for real now, we're signing on Wednesday and should start moving in tons of crap early next week. I'm pretty sure we're gonna go by Dirty Water Sound & Music. Check out the rad business card I designed.

The Great Gig in the Sky

Pink Floyd member Wright dies at 65

Richard Wright, a founding member of Pink Floyd, has died at the age of 65 after battling cancer.

Wright played keyboards with the legendary band and wrote music in classic albums such as Dark Side Of The Moon and Wish You Were Here.

The self-taught keyboardist and pianist met fellow band members Roger Waters and Nick Mason while at architecture school.

In the early days of Pink Floyd, Wright, along with Syd Barrett, was seen as the group's dominant musical force. The London-born musician wrote and sang several songs of his own.

The Great Gig In The Sky, and Us And Them, both from 1973's seminal Dark Side Of The Moon, were his most well-known compositions. He also made essential contributions to Atom Heart Mother, Echoes and Shine On You Crazy Diamond.

Wright played with the surviving members of Pink Floyd in 2005 at Live 8. He also performed at a tribute concert to Barrett last year, but bassist Roger Waters and guitarist David Gilmour, who famously fell out more than 25 years ago, appeared separately. Wright had performed on every Pink Floyd tour.

This guy was a total animal on the Hammond Organ. Greatest rock piano/organ ever.

Damn!

Few things can be worse than coming home exhausted and realizing your sheets are in the washer, and will need to be dried before any happy falling into bed will be enjoyed.

You'd rather watch me drown than see your hands get wet.

I'm in envy of addicts.
You're obsessed with stars.
Dont, dont you sound
so excited showing me your vanity?
Whisper it once, just a little bit,
C'mon whisper it twice.
I cant stand to see the spotlight shine one more night.
Its killing me to see you...

Just tie the rope.
Then kick the chair.
Just leave me hanging there,
Gasping for air yeah,
Dont mind me three feet from the ceiling

You'd rather watch me drown,
Than see your hands get wet.
You took the plot from stage to screen
and turned it to an epic scene
So whisper it once, tell me again.
C'mon whisper it twice,
I cant stand to see my whole life flash before my eyes,
When I'm with you there's
No point in breathing.

Just tie the rope.
Then kick the chair.
Just leave me hanging there,
Gasping for air yeah,
Dont mind me three feet from the ceiling

And I think I know (whoah oh oh)
Why you never get to close
Its cause you're too scared to
When I'm with you there's no point in breathing
No point in breathing...

So so you run away for no apparent reason
Cause you and I are changing with the seasons
You give me an answer as to why you're leaving
The table's full. Nobodys been dealing,
So fold your hand, c'mon and fold your hand.

Just tie the rope.
Then kick the chair.
Just leave me hanging there,
Gasping for air yeah,
Dont mind me three feet from the ceiling

And I think I know (whoah oh oh)
Why you never get to close
Its cause you're too scared to
When I'm with you there's
No point in breathing
No point in breathing
No point in breathing

Time for a new blog name, any suggestions?

More politics, this time by request.

Sorry to do it again, but a friend requested a link to this article about the man I referred to as "the old John McCain."

"Mr McCain used to be a passionate believer in limited government and sound public finances; a man with some distaste for conservative Republicanism and its obsession with reproductive matters. On the stump, though, he has offered big tax cuts for business and the rich that he is unable to pay for, and he is much more polite to the religious right, whom he once called “agents of intolerance”. He has engaged in pretty naked populism, too, for instance in calling for a “gas-tax holiday”. If this is all just a gimmick to keep his party’s right wing happy, it may disappear again. But that is quite a gamble to take.

Two months remain before the election, more than enough time for Mr McCain to allay some of these worries. He needs to spend less time reassuring evangelicals that he agrees with them about abortion and gay marriage, and more time having another look at his tax plans. The old John McCain attacked Mr Bush for his tax cuts, which he said were unaffordable. The new John McCain not only wants to make the Bush tax cuts permanent, but wants to add to them by virtually eliminating estate tax (something that would benefit a tiny number of very rich families, like his own). He also proposes to slash corporation tax. People on middle incomes would see little benefit. Independent analysts agree that Mr McCain’s plans would increase an already huge deficit.

Hawkish foreign policy, irresponsible tax cuts, more talk about religion and abortion: all this sounds too much like Bush Three, the label the Democrats are trying to hang around the Republican’s neck. We preferred McCain One."

As did I. And lest it be said I'm getting too political on my blog, I remind you I just did a post that said "knockin' the boots" like 4 times.

Knock, knock, knockin on heaven's door.

Consider the following terms:

Knocking boots (or knockin' the boots).

Knocked up.

I plan to use them regularly when I'm married, possible connotations:

The wifey looks perdy all knocked up eh?
Yeah, sorry I didn't answer, Amy and I were knockin the boots.
So honey, ya feel like knockin' boots for a while?

Maybe the wifey will knock some sense into me.

Talking Politics: Move on if you don't like it.

Disclaimer: I'm getting political on my blog... I was in Washington DC for part of this weekend and visited the FDR memorial (which is probably my favorite). On one of the walls it had this quote:



My mom and I just had a conversation about John McCain. She remarked how odd it was that I had always wanted John McCain to run for President and now that he's nominated, I wasn't planning to vote for him. We talked about it for a long time, but eventually I just threw my arms up and said that I miss the old John McCain. The John McCain before this belligerent attack ad crusade and crap. I honestly think he used to have his head on straight and now he's just being puppeted by his party and campaign managers. My dad thinks I'm caught up in this youth Obama storm, and I will admit I feel strongly that Barack Obama should be the one elected in November. And I might feel torn if John McCain weren't making it so easy for me to dislike him. I don't agree with Obama 100%. While I am generally pro-choice his voting record on partial-birth abortion is a little discomforting. But abortion is a stupid issue to make this election about, since Rowe v. Wade is going nowhere even if McCain were elected. Honestly, all other policy aside, he's the only one who's economic plan makes any sense.

I think I manage fine on what I make, but there are a lot people in this country trying to support families on less than what I make and these are the people without health care and at biggest risk of losing their jobs. To continue massive tax breaks for corporations who export their labor, oil companies who made the most obscene of profits this year, and Americans who make over $200,000 a year while extending not a cent of tax relief to the middle class is blanketly absurd.

The John McCain I grew up with would've never championed the Bush tax cuts. The argument in favor of these tax cuts is that people in this tax bracket will use the money they save and the economic growth will stimulate the greater economy. The problem with that argument is that history demonstrates it doesn't trickle down. It doesn't strengthen the overall economy. At least in never has. Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over, while expecting a different result. My mom agreed but said, "Jared, you know your father makes over $200,000 a year, right?"

"Yes, but is that WHY you guys feel differently?"

"It's a big part of it. You'd feel picked on if you worked as hard as your dad has for as long as he has, to have 39% of your wages taxed."

"I suppose, but at the wage I earn, 21% might actually hurt worse. And I don't even have the risk of losing my job."

I've been thinking about this a lot and I think I agree with the guy who got us out of the great depression more than the guy who got us into whatever it is we're in now.

TGIF

I really look forward to Fridays (even when I do crazy things like decide to go do a radio equipment installation in Baltimore and Frederick, Maryland over labor day weekend).

Of course there are the usual reasons like "it's the start of my weekend" and "it's the day I get paid." But honestly, I really look forward to Favorite Video Friday. Luke is a friend of mine from NY (more accurately, he's a friend I made in NY after I already lived in Boston cause he started dating, then married a friend I made while I lived in NY), confused yet?

Anyway, on Fridays he posts 3 music videos that share a common something. And I just realized how addicted I am to it. Anyway, if you're looking for something else to make your Fridays a little shinier, check it out.

More Clavinet awesomeness.

The Clav is pretty funky on this track, but it's kinda hard to decide what's funkiest. The bass? The Rhodes? The guitar? So much funky in so little space. This dude is white too. He was a Doobie Brother though, so he almost passes. This rule does not apply to Kenny Loggins, who will be forever white, no matter what. (Punishment for his contributions to the Top Gun soundtrack.

Oh the Clavi goodness.

If Sesame Street had been this awesome when I was a kid I would've never stayed up watching VH1. Anyway, this video is posted just to brag that I won a Clavinet on ebay and will soon be rocking like Stevie Wonder. I'm also aware only Jason knows that the Clavinet is the funky sounding keyboard he plays that sounds a little like a very bitey guitar. I need to be in a funk band now. I'll also need some fairly awesome brass players. Extra points for fros. (All I need now is a talkbox and to be born blind.)

P.S. How hardcore is that kid rocking out up top?

Now that's valuable information.

Thanks Katie!

27

Created by OnePlusYou - Online Dating

(the groin of the ankle)

Oh, funny.

Tanah Lot

Confession: other than Mexico and Canada and a very brief stint in Belize (don't ask), I have never left the country. I've been to most of the states, including Hawaii and Alaska. BUT I have always wanted to visit several places... foremost is Ireland (and the rest of the UK while I'm there). I have also wanted to go to India since like 3rd grade. My parents inspired a longing for Germany/Austria and I have also been fascinated with Prague for several years. Most recently (maybe about a month) I have been dying to go to Indonesia.

I think Indonesia may be the first place I actually go. What initially drew me there was an incredible image in Ben's Surfing magazine which constitutes, along with the Sweetwater catalog, the toilet literature in our home. An amazing surfer was launched into an aerial over a good 12 foot swell of beautiful turquoise water on the Bali coast, and in the background was what appeared to be a Buddhist (I learned later it was Hindu) Temple. Research has informed me this structure is called Tanah Lot Temple and is one of several coastal shrines on the Indonesian coast. It sits on an outcropping of rock which, at high tide, is submerged in water so that the Temple appears to be on an island, just off the coast. Visitors to the shrine will often come for overnight worship and stay until morning when the tides retreats. For some reason this brings into my mind "Abide with me; tis eventide." Anyway, I've decided I'm gonna get a passport and start saving money and hopefully sometime this winter, fly to Indonesia and see at least Jakarta and Bali. The country is composed of 17,508 islands and is mostly Islamic with large Buddhist and Hindu populations. Anybody wanna come with me?

And this is what she said gets her though it:

"If I don't let myself be happy now, then when? If not now, when?"

Ten years later, these are still some of the most important words in my life. Here's to a decade of the most important album of my lifetime.



This is the best live version I found on youtube. It's funny if you notice on the ticket, this show was in the Somerville Theatre in Davis Square back in the day. I didn't live in Boston then, but if I had, I like to think I'd have been there.

I also like to think Jason was, and that possibly in his pre-mission days, he was the guy shouting "Keep that $#!+ coming!" in the beginning.

2 Lost Souls Swimmin in a Fish Bowl, Year After Year.

I miss Elizabeth.
I miss K-Dub.
I miss J and Pugs.
I miss Ju-Hu.
I miss Kylee.
I miss ME the Singular.
I miss Jemily.

I still miss her sometimes too.


"Wish You Were Here".



It's kind of a history lesson. You may skip the first 15 minutes, as they're just talking about "Dark Side" for most of it. Like any of y'all are gonna watch it anyway... :)

Linkage

I apologize to any people who may still use my blog as a hub (make bookmarks). I have changed my blog links to reflect what I actually still read nowadays. If you used to see your blog there and it's not now, and you're bothered that I don't read it anymore it's for one of two reasons.

You never write. Or...

You have autoplay music on your page.

When I load 20 something blogs and have 4 songs playing at the same time and no way to turn it off I freak out and delete you from my bookmarks. What pachyderm hunters call thinning the herd.

Or in Christina's case you ousted me when you privatized.

Love y'all!

Goin' Through The Motions.

I went to see Aimee Mann play at Berklee. It was awesome. Schwehr and I fell in love with the opening band (The Submarines) and so I had to have this poster. And Jenni was totally awesome and bought it for me.

The rhyming kind.

While I write songs fairly regularly, I'm not much of a poet. I love poetry, and I've always admired people who can write it. I especially like plain verse (the kind that doesn't concern itself with rhyme), but I'm retardedly bad at it. I always sound forced and aloof. But I came up with a poem the other day while I was entertaining Liz' unoccupied IM. It's the rhyming kind. It doesn't seem to suck to bad... yet.

You know how that goes though.

High Treason

Under pain of death, I was told,
to keep a secret near.
Came I forth out of the fold,
to whisper in your ear.
Though I betray my nation,
and even my own soul,
I cannot hold the secret from
the Queen that owns me whole.
And now behold I fear that though
my lips may fear to purse,
yet still I know if mute they stay,
my pain remains the worse.
And so dear one, I tell you now
at least to ease my part,
that now it is,
as always was,
you who owns my heart.

Tell me it sucks or tell me you love it. I care not.

I Feel The Earth Move

I saw this at work today, or rather a legacy addition of the album. It's been a long time since I've listened to Tapestry as an album, you almost forget how awesome it is.

Carol King rules my world.

The home energy of the future.

I was reading up on this hydrogen cell car that Honda has. Turns out the only place you can fill one up is in Southern California, but this is their idea for the future. Sounds great right? I was curious what kind of timetable they had for such developments till I saw the cyborg upstairs. Seriously, home robot? I think this a few years off.

Also the kid in the room next door appears to be hanging his/herself.

An Excerpt...

I'm reading the new David Sedaris book, which altogether is not as funny as "Me Talk Pretty One Day" except for this part...

With a Pal Like This, Who Needs Enemies?

I've always liked the idea of accessories, those little pick-me-ups designed to invigorate what has come to feel drab and predictable. A woman might rejuvenate her outfit with a vintage Hermes scarf or jaunty rope belt, but the options for men aren't nearly so interesting. I have no use for cuff links or suspenders, and while I'll occassionally pick up a new tie it hardly leaves me feeling kicky. Hidden accessories can do the trick, but again, they're mainly the province of women. Garter belt and lingerie - yes. Sock garter and microbrief - no.

It was my search for something discreet, masculine, and practical that led me to the Stadium Pal, an external catheter currently being marketed to sports fans, truck drivers, and anyone else who's tired of searching for a bathroom. At first inspection, this device met all my criteria:

Was it masculine? Yes, and proudly so. Knowing that no sensible female would ever voluntarily choose to pee in her pants, the manufacturers went ahead and designed the product exclusively for men. Unlike a regular catheter, which is inserted directly into the penis, the Stadium Pal connects by way of a self-adhesive condom, which is then attached to a flexible, rubber tube. Urine flows through the tube and collects in the "freedom leg bag," conveniently attched to the user's calf. The bag can be emptied and reused up to twelve times, making it both disgusting and cost effective. And what could be manlier?

Was it discreet? According to the brochure, unless you wore it with shorts, no one need know anything about it.

Was it practical? At the time, yes. I don't drive or attend football games, but I did have a book tour coming up, and the possibilities were endless. Five glasses of iced tea followed by a public reading? Thanks, Stadium Pal! The window seat on an overbooked coast-to-coast flight? Don't mind if I do!

I ordered myself a Stadium Pal and realized that while it might make sense in a hospital, it really wasn't very practical for day-to-day use. In an open-air sporting arena, a piping hot thirty-two ounce bag of urine might go unnoticed, but not so in a stuffy airplane or small, crowded bookstore. An hour after christening it, I smelled like a nursing home. On top of that, I found it was hard to pee and do other things at the same time. Reading out loud, discussing my beverage options with the flight attendant, checking into a fine hotel: each activity required its own seperate form of concentration, and while no one knew exactly what I was up to, it was pretty clear that something was going on. I think it was my face that gave me away. That and my oddly swollen calf.

What ultimately did me in was the self-adhesive condom. Putting it on was no problem, but its removal qualified as what, in certain cultures, is known as a bris. Wear it once, and you'll need a solid month to recover. It will likely be a month in which you'll weigh the relative freedom of peeing in your pants against the unsightly discomfort of a scab-covered penis, ultimately realizing that, in terms of a convenient accessory, you're better off with a new watchband.

Dark Knight, absolutely. John Connor, mmmm... we'll see.

By the way. I know the writers are still striking and all, but do they really think all these remakes are necessary? Two Hulk movies in 2 years? And they both sucked. True the Batman series needed some serious re-imagining, yes. But the terminator movies were fine as they were. And while this isn't specifically a remake... wouldn't the kid who played John Connor be about Christian Bale's age? Why not maintain some consistency? Honestly, I mean an appearance by the Governator is completely optional, they brought back the chick from T3, but I don't know about Christian Bale as John Connor.

The most disappointing, if you hadn't heard is that Michael Bay* is remaking both Friday the 13th and A Nightmare on Elm Street.

Holy Krishna, help us all.




*of such disasters as Transformers, Armageddon, and Pearl Harbor

Kristi-Marie. I want to buy this.

Hopefully you still read my blog from time to time.

Did you do this kinda big? Or can I commission a bigger one?

Love, Jared.

Almost Heaven... West Virginia.

I realized on my way down to Maryland this weekend that, while I have driven through Maryland many times, this was gonna be my first time stopping there. I found Maryland mostly uneventful, but I have to admit it's a lot nicer away from Baltimore.

I went to hang out with my good friend Liz, who looks like this:

Though this more thoroughly captures her essence:


Anyway, she had to work for part of the day, so I had lunch with her mom who's first question for me was, so you're the one she met on myspace, right? Should've been more prepared for that question. "Uhhh, yeah." (It was way less lame than it sounds)

When she got off work we had dinner and went to Harper's Ferry in West Virginia. This is in the Blue Ridge Mountains where the Potomac and Shenandoah Rivers crawl through the a canyon alongside several very old railroad bridges. And no, I couldn't get John Denver out of my head. The "town" is basically built on jutting cliffs, at the top of which is this Episcopal church,

and Jefferson Rock. The latter was apparently just a rock that Thomas Jefferson asked to be steadied so it didn't fall. I guess when you write The Declaration of Independence they decide to start naming everything you ever touched after you. Except your slaves. Ooooh...tasteless joke? Probably.

Anyway, Harper's Ferry... big on the awesome. I think we need to go cruise the Potomac stretch in inner tubes. And by 'we' I mean everyone who wants to go.

Just watch the fireworks.

I'll stay up as late as it takes.


So, I near the end of another July 4th in Boston and we're still in love. Happy Findependence Day, y'all.

A new kind of Walden.

So I've been realizing I'm a huge loser lately, but that's starting to be ok I guess. I got off work really early which is rare for a Tuesday, so I went to Harvard stadium to play soccer. Then I came home; and realizing I have no friends anymore, and still a little heavy in thought about stuff, I decided a late night swim in Walden would be relaxing. So I drove to Walden alone, waded in and swam around for a half an hour or so, at least 10 minutes of which I was just floating on my back looking at the stars. It had just rained earlier, so the sky was really clear and the water wasn't cold. About 100 yards out, a layer of fog sat just above the surface of the pond and the wind in the middle seemed to be blowing it around.

And in all this beauty I encountered not another human soul.

This is highly recommended.

Yo Yo Moon

I took the first step towards fulfilling a long held ambition to play the cello by renting one yesterday. I played a C major scale and fumbled my way through the bassline of lean on me. But I'm gonna start rocking it soon...just you watch.

Survivor.

Thanks to JG, BKH, KW, EM, JM, JN, Mom, and the Word.

Still hurting, but understanding the whys a little better. You are my strength.



I can't believe it's raining again.

Well... then, okay. I guess.

Ok, as of today the horse ran off with someone else. New cliche metaphor needed.

There's other seahorses in the sea?






I hate my life sometimes.

"You gotta get back up on the horse."

I hate that advise. I get the point, I just don't like the metaphor. I've been thrown from a horse before, and beginning to date again when you're not really interested in these girls is nothing like remounting a horse that bucked you. It's scarier.

I like the same girl I've liked for the last 10 months.

I don't see how going out with girls I don't like is supposed to help me move on.

The Mullet

So, as many know, I attended a Nascar race in NC last weekend. Lisa cut my hair into a mullet. And...pics.

Angry Fat Kid

I bought a guitar amp, and no, I didn't break the bank. I spent $129 and got the loudest, meanest 5 Watt amp ever. After playing it, Jason said it looked so cute, but then screamed like an angry fat kid.



He also observed how the controls on this amp are kinda like the male libido...



On/Off and Volume.

Very peceptive Jason.

Where are you and what have you been doing?

That's a set of questions I've been getting from everybody from my mom to some of my best friends with increasing regularity. Here's a semi-comprehensive series of answers for those who harbor the same inquiry.

1. Applying to the part time MBA program at Boston University.
2. Starting my own small business with Jason and Ryan.
3. Shopping for rental space we can easily convert into a recording studio.
4. Buying musical instruments and recording equipment at a furious pace.
5. Sorting out health insurance and taxes.
6. Paying lots of bills and trying to eclipse all his debt.
7. Still cheering on Senator Obama.
8. Working nights and barely seeing anyone except his girlfriend, business partners, and occasionally his roommates.
9. Went to the Bon Jovi concert in Pittsburgh with Annie.
10. Livin' on a prayer.

Barely a blog.

This pizza was delicious.

Anybody want to be my best friend in the universe?

Lend me the money to buy this...

I'll kiss you or wash your car weekly for the rest of your life, plus pay you back within 4 months.

Don't judge me.

So, I went to the AFC Championship game yesterday...

For FREE. Thanks Gina for being stuck in Maryland and Bob for having awesome friends. Go Pats!

Anybody who's ever moved a grand relates...

On most days I like my job.

But not when I'm in till 2am on Monday, then 4am on Tuesday.

I blame Mitt Romney. Just lose already.

My new love.

I'm in love again. I haven't been in love for well over a year, so I figure it's alright. And I'm gonna have to spend quite a bit to get her, but I've decided it's worth it. Her name is Rebeca, now I just need to decide which color. Please cast your vote.

Baby Blue?

Or Gold Flake Sparkle?

Jason came to Boston, and it went something like this...

So this is the New Year...

I am a bit of a Scrooge when it comes to doing super touristy things. Tourists are super annoying and the 'highlight reel' approach to a vacation seldom appeals to me. So I was a little hesitant about doing New Years Eve in Times Square, New York City. The mandatory waiting in a pen in the freezing cold for 8 hours was not encouraging me much either.

But the unwritten law of New Years is you kinda have to go where the girl goes. And Annie wanted to do Times Square. We actually had a totally good time. My best college bud, Jason came along after spending a few days in Boston. Mr. Slow-Mover himself, kissed the face off someone else in our group at midnight (it remains a barely guarded secret whom). Also joining us were L-to-the-Puggle, her mission companion and her friend Erin, and my old roommate Yancy.

The cold was bad, but the pen wasn't very crowded, so we had plenty of room to move around. We did the wave, the limbo, a congo line, and played some pretty fun games. Joining us were a fun little group of "I can't believe they're not mormons" and some frightening drunk Australians who were very fond of shouting Wanker. I got to see The Bravery and Velvet Revolver too. All in all it was a fun evening and the thrill of screaming "Happy New Years!" with millions of other people is really pretty cool. Then there's the mass singing of Old Lang Syne, New York-New York, and Imagine. I'm a little disappointed that The Final Countdown didn't make the playlist, but you can't ask for everything, I suppose. Pictures...




P.S. The girl on the left in this last pic is the female double of Al Deans. (With the obvious additions of hair and breasts) Not just looks either, behavior too. It was very disturbing.

Gina broke her foot...

And she asked me to write something funny on her cast.

I'm getting on a plane in 2 hours.

And still I blog! So, as an Arizona boy, I've never developed much love for snow. It's cold and wet, and while it can be beautiful, it can also be terribly inconvenient stuff. You've gotta shovel it, scrape it off your car, step in large mounds of it to get to the parking meter, etc...

But I loved doing this.


That's the girls' who live upstairs door.

I came home and found my roommates and home-teaching companion David diligently piling snow high against their door. (Mind you, David and I home teach the girls upstairs) A few weeks ago the two younger girls in the house announced that they were initiating a prank war with us. The proceeded to hide our shampoo or steal our pillows. Little stuff. Trouble is, none of us think little when it comes to prank wars. We default in our minds to much weightier fare, like lighting doors on fire, setting mice loose in the house, or leaving upper-deckers. The first like 4 pranks I thought of would have flat-out ended our friendship. But this one was good. Severe, but not cruel. So I joined in, though truthfully the job was mostly done already.

The determined efforts of David to the project were admirable. He really got behind this with all his heart. Thanks Dave. Big ups to my roomies who managed to scale back a bit and still put the stank in prank.

I want this T-Shirt.

"Rockin' the Suburbs just like Quiet Riot did..."

So my newest roommate Ben is a musically talented fellow. More importantly, he's a musically motivated fellow. We often break into spontaneous covers of Chicago or Lisa Loeb or 2Pac, or Debbie Gibson. On certain early afternoons, evenings, and Saturdays we take turns on drums and electric guitar rocking punk and 90's grunge. We have fun, but often lament our limited ensemble. There's a lot of musical instruments in this house and only 4 hands and feet inclined to play them. Simply stated, we are in need of a 3rd or 4th rocker. Now recruiting. Submit to applications to this blog.

Hahaha

From Dooce.

So... the blog.

Well, I have severely neglected the rites of blogging for several months now. I even fail to read anymore. For goodness sakes, Kristy has even blogged like 7 times since I last read the blogs. Which means Natalie has blogged approximately 657 times (I stopped counting) and Laura Pugmire has still not blogged once.

Hell, even Criddle has a new blog these days which, had I known about, I would've one the name Cindell contest. I rule the Ewok movies. Ok, enough ranting, it took me two hours to read blogs tonight... that's what happens when you get behind.